


Hold On To What You Believe

by MementoMoriPontifexMortis



Series: APH Kink Meme De-Anon [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Character Interpretation, Comfort/Angst, Hetalia Kink Meme, Kink Meme, M/M, Sad Ending, WW2 mentions, de anoning, slightly angsty, use of both human names and country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 02:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoMoriPontifexMortis/pseuds/MementoMoriPontifexMortis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's over, the end and now everything feels worse then when it began. </p><p>Or</p><p>How a story can come to an end with such a bittersweet ending but still have hope for the future. </p><p>Or</p><p>Estonia and Germany says good bye after the war and things are being kept and lies were told but that doesn't matter as everything is over and a new era is beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On To What You Believe

**Author's Note:**

> Song You Should Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a9M0jIkjDg
> 
> Warnings: Same as always. Nothing's really changing besides this is taking place as the war is ending. It's also sad, or supposed to be

\- - - - - - - - - -  
Hold On To What You Believe  
\- - - - - - - - - -

_I can't promise you I won't let you down._

Germany looks up from his spot in his special room, he's not in as much trouble as some of his men but the other nations are trying to decide what to do with him and his allies. Eduard – Estonia? – stands in front of him; thankfully Germany was able to explain that he was forcing the Baltic to help against his will and Eduard is not going to be punished, which Germany finds to be easing some of the worry he holds. He has felt bad for everything that happened since the beginning. 

'I am so sorry.' He wants to say but instead, “How did you get in here?” is said. 

Eduard blinks, “I convinced people I needed to see you to get closure.” He adds after a minute of silence, “I do, you know.” 

“You want closure?” It's a simple question but it takes so long to actually ask. 

“...No.” 

Germany looks up surprised, “What?” He mutters, wanting to move from his spot but not being able to will his body to move. 

“I don't want closure.” Eduard begins, “Closure means it's over, I don't want it to be over.” 

“Then what do you want, Eduard?” 

There's a heavy silence in the room and Germany's hope leaves him because silence is the worst answer to any question. He is about to say something when Estonia begins to speak again. “I don't know.” Estonia licks his lips, “I wanted safety when this first began and then I wanted love and now I don't know.” 

“Oh.” Ludwig says flatly. He was hoping for a different answer, maybe something definite but he would take it. 

“Did I mean anything?” Eduard asks, “Or was it all for no reason besides you needed something to sleep with.” 

“I loved you...” Ludwig continues, “I love you still.” 

“There's a but in there.” Eduard sits down next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder and Ludwig would do whatever he could to just lay them both down and make love again. Or to be hidden away again so they wouldn't have to deal with anything. 

“We can't be together.” Ludwig says and continues when Eduard's beautiful sea green eyes fall, “They won't let us. They think I held you hostage and forced you to help my people and who knows what else they believe. Plus, after this, we'll probably never see each other again.” 

Eduard nods, eyelids slowly closing shut and small shakes of the head, “You're wrong.” Is all he has to say. 

“You don't understand, you've been sheltered by multiple other nations. You don't know about the politic --” 

Eduard cut him off, “Do not say I've been sheltered.” He seethes, “I know about politics and I know about our laws and I know that we'll be separated for a while.” There's a breathe of air and a strangled sob, “Will you stop loving me in a few days? Or months? Or years? Or decades?” 

“...I don't know.” He answers truthfully and Eduard nods because the one thing that's true is nations will constantly have on and off relationships with each other and there's no promise that tomorrow Ludwig won't resent the Estonian but Ludwig hopes he won't because he doesn't want to feel anything more than love for the other. 

“I understand but... in a few years when we meet up again, I'll ask you and I want the answer. I won't be offended if you say yes or if you say no, I will be offended if you don't answer.” Eduard pauses, breathing softly, “I don't want to leave.” He adds. 

“I don't want you to either.” And so Ludwig leans close, ignoring that tomorrow his fate as Germany will be decided, ignoring the small needle prick feeling on his skin, ignoring the fact that everything had gone bad and ignoring that after tonight they will be separated, just like when they were forced out of the little hidden home.

\- - - - - - - - - 

Germany always feels warmer to the touch than the other nations that Estonia has come in contact (Ludwig feels like comfort and home and safety but he can't think like that right now because that thought process makes him upset) and right now at this moment when they are just kissing and they are showing love, Eduard believes that just maybe they can stay together after everything. (Then again there's a part of him that says that every relationship has turned out to suck and this one isn't going to be any different). 

The war is over and there's nothing keeping Estonia loyal to the Germans and in fact there isn't anything; the only one he's loyal to is Ludwig and the love they hold. But they're both not strong and they both made promises that weren't going to be kept and they are both wrong and they just want to be together and even that might be a fleeting thing but he's going to hold on to that because if he can't hold on to their relationship then when he goes with Russia – something he's keeping from Ludwig – he will break and he doesn't want to break. 

“I have to leave soon.” Eduard announces pulling away from Ludwig. His voice is shaking slightly but he won't let any other ounce of fear show through. 

Ludwig nods instead of speaking because speaking will ruin the moment, and they go back to kissing like the last night in the hidden house. 

Oh the hidden house which became a home, Eduard fears that he'll never be able to go back there and that is terrifying because he grew to love that place. He thinks about their last night there as Ludwig rolls them over and Eduard's back meets the carpeted ground of the room Germany has been forced to stay in. They are in Geneva, where many leaders are but they are staying somewhere else as what to do with The Personification of the Nation of Germany is being discussed (and that's something that can't be dealt with by human laws). Yet, Eduard did not want to think about that because that meant that he would have to think about some harsh punishment that his lover will be forced to endure. 

Undoubtedly though, Eduard wants to think about their nights in the little home they had left behind because those nights remind him of safety and love and something else that he doesn't want to think about. Though before anything else beside heavy making out can happen, there's a knock on the door and Ludwig is pulling away as the door opens and England walks in. 

“You need to leave now.” The British Isle speaks, his voice modulated even though he can see the sight in front of him. 

Both of them sigh, upset and tired and wanting to finish what they started but they still move away from each other. “Goodbye.” Ludwig says and Eduard, who makes his way to the door stops and turns around. 

Ludwig looks at him with blue eyes and a sad look and Eduard can't help it and he runs back and throws his arms around him and kisses Ludwig and he doesn't try to stop the sob that escapes. “Goodbye.” He whispers, “I'm sorry but goodbye.” 

“Let's go.” England pulls on Eduard's arm and urges him out of the room. “Come on, child. No one has time for this.” 

\- - - - - - - - 

With Eduard gone, Germany slumps back to the floor. He's unwilling to go to the bed he has because he feels like a traitor. Coincidentally, everything feels empty with the Baltic, and when he goes back to his main house, it'll feel empty and when he walks on his land, it'll feel cold. In his mind, Ludwig wishes to blame the war, but like soldiers who met their spouses when serving, he can't because if it never happened, they'd never be together. 

_And, hold on to what you believe in the light. When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight_

I think I fell in love. He thinks, and right now, I wish I didn't.

\- - - - - - -


End file.
